sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
