my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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