I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
