Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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