i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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