Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
