I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
