if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
