oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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