Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
