The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What a dumb baby whore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
