How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
