I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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