Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Found the puke drawer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
