Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
