My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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