i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
