There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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