you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
