Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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