I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
