I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
