I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
