After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
