Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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