Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
