i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
