i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
