Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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