ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
