hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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