Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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