You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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