She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
