its not stalking. its research.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
