How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
