I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
