it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
