come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
