He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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