There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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