He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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