saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
