he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating