Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
