I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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