How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
