so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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