On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.