Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.