Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.