I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
