Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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