i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.