Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
