I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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