Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
