DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
