he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
