Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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