This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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