im having a threesome with these popsicles
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
