If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
