She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
