Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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