dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
