the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
