Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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