This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
