Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
