I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's get the cat blown out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
