Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My ass is underappreciated
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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